Moment For Life....

i still stay up late thinking about what if.. i really shouldn’t think about him anymore but i do.. sometimes all i need is for someone to be there for me… i’m there for everyone and i will drop everything for my close friends but then where are they when i need them.. 

“i miss the conversation we use to share.. and how whenever i was down you was always there.. it hurts to know you dont feel the pain i feel.. we shoulda never shared a kiss.. Man, im struggling to cope nothing can describe the pain i feel, i wish we never spoke.. Someone always brings you down.. even if you stand your ground.. yeah, i drop the tears on my pillow cos its hard when your not around.. i feel like i wasted time..” Taylor Jones- Blinded Heart.. That song is exactly what i been thinking for so long! i’m addicted to it, knowing its exactly how i feel! 

I’m worried about the future! Been thinking alot about that recently, being with the lads on Saturday for abit has really made me realise how much i do really miss them and would do anything for them! they have bee there for me and when they go im gonna be so upset i wont see them for ages, and when i do things will be different and that’s what worries me.. its going to be so different when they come back, they’ll have a life and some long term girlfriends and then i think what about me! I have no clue about my future! it worries me alot! life is just going by so quickly and its really scaring me! <3 

Want to stay in manchester!! Only back for less than 2 hours and hate it.

first day of new start and first day of healthy life… and its gone really well! been for a 2 mile run and feeling better already, had a healthy lunch and been nibbling on fruit and carrot sticks all day :D really looking forward to carrying on with all this & starting to get my life back on track! :) <3 

i hate it when people blow smoke in my face just to piss me off! 

I say im okay.. Im not.. I put on a smile to hide it all.. Trueth is its broken my heart! I never wanted to fall for him.. But it seems like all i ever do is pick the wrong guy.. Everyone tells me i deserve better and yeah i do! But what if he’s the only one i want and even if we did sort it all out.. It wouldnt be the same & id always have it all in the back of my mind.. It breaks my heart to know what he does and it scares me that one day he will do something stupid! I wil always be there for him! But i cant get hurt all over again! I want things how they were!